My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
