With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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