I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize