If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My friends, they love my intelligence
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
