I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
