my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
