I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
