Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize