On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I will pee on everything he values.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Randomize
