so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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