I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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