He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
