She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
