Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
