sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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