I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
