she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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