it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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