..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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