This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
