I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
