Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There r osticjed everywhere
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
