It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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