Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
