in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
