You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
