I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
