how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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