Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
