just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
