Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
