Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
