My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
