remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
