I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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