maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
