She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
