there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
