Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
