oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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