This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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