great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize