Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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