Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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