just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize