you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
