bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize