When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
