i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
