From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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