I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
