wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
