So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
