He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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