im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
