wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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