I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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