He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
