apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
