Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
