i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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