did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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