apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm like, not good at living.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
