well most of my day revolves around power hour
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
