You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
