then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i now understand why vodka
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
