i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
