Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize