K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
