I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize