Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
