Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
