dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just cut my nipple shaving
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
